My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
