The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
