I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
