I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
