My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
