im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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