I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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