Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
