Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish you could order shots online.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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