Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
