Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
