So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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