They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
