sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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