there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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