i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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