i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
