just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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