a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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