I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
