oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's never too late to be topless.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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