WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I want her autograph on my taint
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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