you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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