Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I didn't notice because vodka
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
