in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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