I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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