Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
