Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
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