i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
