you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im holly from the hills drunk
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
