GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
