Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think i have herpe
just one?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
