the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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