Kiss
Puke
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
