i don't like sucking hair
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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