I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize