I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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