I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
