I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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