you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
