I need help removing her.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize