Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize