I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
