trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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