Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
