so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize