My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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