I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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