I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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