just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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