i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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