But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
