Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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