She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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