nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize