just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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