wrigley field is MILF paradise
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
