I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
