just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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