Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
not ubering you a puppy
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
