there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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