yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
