I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
