The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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