Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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