If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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