Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
