Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
